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Friday STFU Award: Representative Boner

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OK, I wanted to be all positive and kumbaya on my site, but this just fucking gets me so riled up. The US rating has been DOWNGRADED. S&P fucking downgraded the US Government to the same level as like Zaire, which means the US government bonds are worth like 2 twinkies and

a ball scratch. This could unleash economic mayhem: raised interest rates, stocks plumeting, dogs and cats living together, the Keynsian invisible hand rubbing my balls e.g. everything we don’t want and more of it.

People seem apt to blame Obama. I love Obama. He is charismatic. He is smart. He is going to be in the history books. He gets Anne Coulter’s panties in a bundle, and you know she likes it. But the American economy is sick as a dog, and he’s no fiscal Florence Nightengale. I think Obama could get us all back on track if those goddamn Republican extremists would get off their crazy scooter and get back to running the country for all the people. Caveat: actually I do not hate Republicans. I admire their “go for the jugular mentality” compared the Democrat wussies. I would vote Republican sometimes if they would get out of my bedroom. Republicans should like small government right?? Small government should mean the GOP needs not regulate the box of dildos in my closet, and yes I do want to get married. Think of all the money to be made in gay wedding industry. Our national debt would be gone if we did three things:

1. Legalize and tax marijuana. Yeah, I said it. Look at the Netherlands. They are just peachy with it for several decades.

2. Legalize gay marriage. Gays would fill up restaurants, banquet halls and boost the economy in their fervor to embrace the conjugal. I might add, due to the gay proclivity to relationship hysterics, divorce lawyers would receive a raise in business as well. Just sayin’.

3. End the wars.

Which brings me to this week’s STFU Award: Congressman Boner!! Look at him. Doesn’t he look some miscreant or sex offender (just my opinion):

Rep. Boner

This lowlife from the 8th District of Ohio (a place caddycorner Babylon), is in all these photo ops with Obama looking nasty and surly. You can tell it is in his agenda to fight Obama every step of the goddamn way. I hate his smirk. I hate his eyes that look strangely mascara-ed. I hate every inch of his fucking body.

But it is bad karma to wish ill on people so I am waiving my radical fairy wand and wishing him glamour. I wish him dreams of Zsa Zsa Gabor and kisses from Lady Gaga. I wish him some wigs from Beyoncé, even. What could be better? Look at all this good karma shit I am doing. He could be a great leader someday, if he rubbed off the mascara and got down to business.

Until then I wish he would “shut the fuck up,” and I present him his very own STFU Award. Congratulations Representative Boner! Brava, darling, BRAVA!!

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